The Unorthodox Website Blog

David Beckham with and without hair

In the Bible is the story of how Samson’s long flowing locks were cut off by Delilah, and he then lost all his strength.

Seeing David Beckham on TV news the other day talking about getting his 100th cap for playing on the England side, I couldn’t help but notice how absolutely awful he looked with his head shaved. All those beautiful golden locks, which once made him so attractive, have long since gone, but his latest, brutal shaved head look means he has lost nearly all his attraction as far as I’m concerned. I feel sorry for Victoria, but perhaps ‘Goldenballs’ has other hidden assets to compensate!

It’s not just David Beckham of course, loads of men follow this absolutely ridiculous fashion. In fact I can’t find a barber nowadays who knows anything other than how to shave your head, or give you a #1 or #2 (which meant a piss or a shit in my days!) Ask for a short back-and-sides or, Heaven Forbid, a ‘Tony Curtis’ and they just look at you blankly, then cut it all wrong. I haven’t had a decent haircut from a barber since my local Greek old-school one retired.

Gay men in particular follow this latest fashion, since having a shaved head, or a severely cropped barnet, is considered essential to fit in with the boring – yawn, yawn – gay clubbing scene. Why don’t y’all just stay home and admire yourselves in the bleedin’ mirror! I was at a gay club last nite and you can’t believe how incredibly boring it was to see all these shaved-headed geezers standing around trying to look as though they’d just been released from Wandsworth prison. Then an Oriental guy walked in with hair down below his ears, and it was like a breath of fresh air. Surely we don’t all want to look exactly the same? I thought variety was the spice of life.

Why shave your head, or have most of your hair cropped off, when men tend to go bald soon enough anyway? Don’t we want to keep our crowning glory as long as possible? I speak as a 63 year old lucky enough to still have most of my hair, which I keep fairly long, and have no intention whatsoever of having it shaved or cropped off after hanging on to it for all this time, fashion or no fashion.

How would heterosexual men feel if the latest women’s fashion was to have their heads shaved, or cropped? And all the manufacturers of women’s hair products would go out of business overnight. I feel like I and a few fellow Rockers/Teds are the only ones keeping the Brylcreem factories going – when they close we’ll be reaching for the old axle grease!

Cropped hair or a shaved head can look attractive only on teenage boys. Perhaps they can get away with it till about 25. But even so, why would a teenager want to shave his head when by the time he’s 30 or 40 he may be bald, and long for the days when he could grow and style his hair?

Silly fashion, which would be fine for those who wish to follow it if everybody in certain communities, like the gay one, didn’t follow it like a herd of bloody sheep! Baa Baa!

And as for David – never mind his ’Goldenballs’, are we ever going to see that floppy golden hair which was once so attractive? I doubt it. Pity. And even Gary Lineker never gets the chance to show off his nice legs now he’s given up football. But he does look good in a suit, and at least he hasn’t shaved his head.

That’s about as much as I know about football – David Beckham had nice hair, and Gary Lineker had nice legs. Is there anything else remotely interesting about the game other than the players’ looks? I never could understand the attraction in watching guys kicking, or batting, a ball about in all these silly games like football, rugby and cricket.